on selfishness

I've been drenched with selfishness lately. I think I deserve so much more, when in reality, I deserve so much less.

I don't deserve for anyone to care about any of my crap. Period.

I don't deserve for anyone to, upon knowing about my crap, forgive me for it, or ever want to hear more of it.

I don't deserve to have good health.

I don't deserve to have enough to eat.

I don't deserve to be able to get up every morning and function.

I don't deserve a college education. I don't deserve an education at all.

I don't deserve to be able to go running at night when I can't think straight.

I don't deserve to have people to talk to. I certainly don't deserve to have a glorious high priest interceding for me to the most high God.

I don't deserve forgiveness for thinking I deserve these things, or for allowing doubt to rule me when I could live in the joy that comes with faith and hope.