Wednesday, November 28, 2007

decisions, decisions

I got an email last week inviting me to re-submit my application to Chicago Teaching Fellows, the program that waitlisted me (and ultimately didn't offer me a job) back in the spring.

Pros of CTF:
-Be a special education teacher, not an aide
-Make more money
-Get my Master's for sure
-Get my teacher certification without ever doing student teaching

Cons of CTF:
-Leave my current job, possibly before the end of the school year (but probably not)
-Upset Amy... a lot probably
-Upset my students... even more than Amy, probably
-Hang out with Nick way less
-Give up my students, whom I love, by the way
-WAAAAY more responsibility
-Way more stress
-Way less support from other staff, etc.
-Possibly be in a really awful situation for the next 2 years
-Go back on my word to Amy and Nick, so my yes doesn't mean yes

These are things on my mind, and somehow I'm supposed to decide by Friday whether to send in my resume. If I send it in, I at least keep the door open. If I don't, the door closes, but at least I'm true to my word to Nick and Amy.

In other news, there is an enormous fly buzzing in my apartment, I fixed Tony's coat for free, my parents graciously sent me my coat in the mail that I forgot in Alpena, I sent Janna's dress in the mail to New Orleans, I'm looking forward to hanging out at Starbucks tonight, I've felt a little dead inside all week, and I think that has something to do with not having heard a sermon this week. Isn't that crazy? But I need God, need His voice, and I'm not hearing it on my own these past few days. This is what November does to me.

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