circular reasoning

I am so frustrated sometimes with my lack of knowing. Or, even when I do know something, my inability to apply it to the life that I lead that is real.

Nothing seems real right now. How can I explain that? I just feel so detached from this world, so puzzled and perplexed - but simultaneously indifferent. It is all just a construct and none of it matters. There are things that are good, certainly, and bad as well. But we can't even tell if it's getting better or getting worse. All our feeble attempts at finding an answer just lead us to the foregone conclusion that we don't have an answer. We can't make an answer. The answer already is, was and will always be. But nobody knows how to access the answer and apply it to reality.

Ah... but it isn't reality, so what difference does it make? Reality is so far beyond this shadowy existence where we muddy ourselves up and spin the wheels, going nowhere.