day of atonement

I can't decide whether to post about work or about personal stuff. Today I have the day off because it is Yom Kippur and I work for a Jewish agency. I'm praying that the orthodox Jews that I work with will somehow be touched by the Spirit of God today and know that they have already been atoned for, or at least start thinking about it.

As far as work is concerned, I mean... I don't even know where to begin. There's the student who shows serious signs of PTSD, whose response to the journal prompt, "Tell about a time when you would have liked to be temporarily invisible," was, "It's not appropriate to talk about in school. I don't want to talk about it."

There's our new/old principal (he's back this fall after retiring 3 years ago) who now wants us to be inside the 6x6 time out rooms with every single student during every single timeout, based on the law against leaving students alone. Nevermind the fact that we have peepholes on the doors and look in constantly. Nevermind that there is ALWAYS a staff member outside the door; that we go inside the moment we suspect self-injurious behavior. Nevermind that for many kids, being alone is how they calm down; that being inside those rooms with angry, violent, and aggressive students will put staff members in greater danger. We don't have the resources - time, space, energy, emotional health - to do this.

There's the student who came back from the psych hospital yesterday whose social worker failed to inform us that he was coming back; whose mother is clearly the reason for much of his psychosis. There's the clinically depressed student who missed school Tuesday for a doctor's appointment that I hoped would lead to anti-depressants, but told me yesterday it was just a regular check-up. There are the certain crisis workers whose incompetence left me on the brink of tears Tuesday. Admittedly, I am so exhausted that it isn't hard to bring me close to crying.

Sometimes I am just not sure what following Christ means. What it looks like on the inside and what it looks like on the outside can be so different. Some days that seems natural and healthy. Some days it seems pointless. I want to honor God in everything, yet don't know what the moment by moment implications of that are.

And as far as the dates that I have hinted around - there have been more and they have been good. Earlier this week I was protesting when my friends tried to use the term "boyfriend," not because I am opposed but because I'm not sure that's an accurate description of where we're at. But there have also been moments when I think maybe it's not so inaccurate, either.